Thursday, January 12, 2012

Numb....

I just want to laugh. My heartfelt , deep from within, laugh. I want to smile. My smile is genuine. It lights up my face transforming me into something almost ethereal. It draws you in. I know. You want to smile the way I do. You want to be near in case it rubs off and by chance you might feel it. The Midas of Joy. You can't acquire what I have. It's inside. It's freedom. It's my sense of self and my sense of me. 

Then I am numb. For you. To you. Because of you. I'm not quite sure. I'm just incapable of of surrendering me, myself, to the feeling. In becoming so good at telling you what you want to hear, I have forgotten to admit how I really feel. The whole while, you are blind...so naive....you can't read in between the lines.....you just hear my sweet whispers, you hear what I say. You never listen to what I can't tell you......you are just as guilty as me. My words, said by rote, make you melt...if you only knew, but you all react the same way. How can you not know? Am I so good? You are the now....not my tomorrow. NEVER my tomorrow. Numb to everything but myself. But.......
The One will see. The inside. The real. Will hear what you don't. Then I will not be numb. I will stop the mindless chatter. My words will matter.
My laugh will be for Him. With Him. 

4 comments:

  1. You are not numb,and i know what you feel is real ,and for us there is tomorrow,and beyond. koukla mou..

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  2. You are seriously delusional. There is no tomorrow or beyond for us. Get it through your head.

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    1. Delusional about your feelings for me maybe,that is if you were playing games.I wasnt looking either,when you came into my life,you were an unexpected ,wonderful surprise, you let me into your life for last few months,and we became both mentally and physicaly close,you cannot deny, even no matter how hard you try,one thing you know about me is i never lied to you.You revealed every aspect of your life,fears,desires,and at times tried to warn me about getting close to you,but your good heart made me ignore your warnings,and insecurities,and drew me closer.You don't need a blog,to assure who you are.Enough of being confused,enough of your doom and gloom blog,your a smart woman,you stop seeking aproval or advise, you can figure out your inner feelings and thoughts,then you can open your heart and soul and be happy and learn finaly to love and be loved,its not complicated we make it more than it should be.....

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