Swan Song

My one forever constant.

Alternated between loving, hating, despising, adoring, cherishing, always something. Longing, lusting for you with a manic need. Manic love. 

You, my planned tomorrow from an accidental yesterday. 

My solace, keeping sadness at bay.....there was the constant, the crutch of you. 

I depended on YOU...and in turn it enabled my independence. I needed no one. I had you. 

Thirst to feel those somethings, those anything moments.Years of thirst led me to the mirage..to you. 

You were not you or maybe I am no longer the me I was with you. 

Hopes dashed. I'm filled with nothing. What I thought, isn't. Even my crocodile tears believed what my very being so wanted. I lived on old memories but I didn't account for change. I just wasn't the same yet I didn't know, until I was staring at a stranger. 

My one forever constant......

is just no more. 

The "honeymoon phase"

So you finally feel the butterflies in your stomach. You spend mindless minutes imagining his lips, his smile, his eyes, the way he looks at you. You are filled with the anticipation of your next meeting. He puts that silly grin on your face. he makes you laugh. You can't keep your hands off him. He makes you melt. His touch sets you on fire, you feel tingly from your scalp to your tippy toes. Your heart rate speeds up. Your breathing feels shallow. God. Can this last? This feeling of all feelings? Is it the now and not the tomorrow? Is it the this month and not the next, maybe this year? Whatever it is, this minute it fucking rocks.