Just A Heartache.......Par For The Course......

So...I've worked hard. I've created a cement mixture with dirt and water to create bricks. I slaved away on these bricks over the years and slowly build a fortress. The wall has served me well. It has survived attack on all sides. My wall has protected me from sticks and stones, rocks, boulders and hell even direct fire. Sure, I've had to make a few minor repairs over the years. Walls like anything else can fall into disrepair without regular maintenance. Ok...fine....we know how the fucking wall was built.

WHY THE FUCK DID I LET HIM TEAR IT DOWN?

Why did I think for even a minute that I did not need its protection? I lost my safety net. My heart, my well being, my soul are bare.

Yes....I know......stupidity......maybe........dreaming of something for which I secretly yearn?

I see my gross misjudement.....my error. Never expose yourself Daphne, damn it. Why Why why? Idiot.

So now I begin again. Maybe this time I will use armour?

The "honeymoon phase"

So you finally feel the butterflies in your stomach. You spend mindless minutes imagining his lips, his smile, his eyes, the way he looks at you. You are filled with the anticipation of your next meeting. He puts that silly grin on your face. he makes you laugh. You can't keep your hands off him. He makes you melt. His touch sets you on fire, you feel tingly from your scalp to your tippy toes. Your heart rate speeds up. Your breathing feels shallow. God. Can this last? This feeling of all feelings? Is it the now and not the tomorrow? Is it the this month and not the next, maybe this year? Whatever it is, this minute it fucking rocks.

Dating Down & Dating Up

How is a fucking car door such a big deal? Since when have first date manners tanked? When did it become OK to stop courting? Is this the beast that "feminism" has created? I know, women wanted to work, we wanted equal rights, we want equal pay for equal work but does this mean that the traditional male/female lines have blurred?

I don't want to open my own doors and no I don't want to "go dutch". I want YOU to walk on the outside and be a MAN. Yes You! Plan the date, woo me, inspire me, make me see stars! Make me feel shy, make me want to hold your hand. I want to feel butterflies in my stomach.

Can I open my own door? Yes. But why? You are the man. Come out caveman! Take charge. I am tiger hear me roar. Ha ha. OK a little overboard yes.

Singlehood is fabulous, dating is exciting but where is he? Can we find that mix of all we want or must we settle for that mix of what we almost want?

Now I Get It

I get the whole older man younger woman thing. I now understand. I am 34. I am divorced. I am dating Mr. 21. So now I get it. I get it for several reasons. Why would Mr. 21 want to date a 34 year old? Reality says there is no future. I say there is no future. Yes, I'm hot, I'm smart and I tell it like it is. I don't play the games I used to play when I was 21. I know what I want and I get what I want. My personality is big and strong. Mr. 21 says he hates the games and the bullshit that those silly girls play. I am not silly. I rock. Mr. 21 sends me texts everyday to the effect of "hey beautiful, I miss you". Mr. 21 treats me like I am the cherry on top. It's cute. Since my divorce two years ago, I never meet Mr. 34+, I meet Mr. 26's and Mr. 24's and now Mr. 21. I think, "hm...where are the 21 year old women?" Ahhhhh, now I get it! They are with Mr. 34+. Ha ha. Fabulous. Gosh. Now I get it. Now I get what they say. My Mr. 21 year old is not yet jaded. He has not been through life. He is not bitter, he is not tired, he is not pissed. He is fresh and sees things through new eyes. He is still sweet. Now I get it.