Nostalgia

A slight trace of that familiar scent, I breathe it in. I close my eyes, surrender to the memories.  God..How I miss her, you took her from me….she was always here and now she is with you.  Is she there? Does she know how I feel? Is she happy? I can’t forget. I don’t want to forget….. but it makes my chest ache and my head pound and my eyes blur and my head swim with her……Guilt, mind numbing guilt. I didn’t say it when she was here. I didn’t show her when I could.  Time passes and nostalgia won’t stay away. I see her, I hear her, I smell her, I feel her frail body around every corner.  Times like now, alone,…the assault begins, the reminders of her, my Yiayia. What is this life we lead? To know love, exhilaration, exultation only to rip those sublime emotions from my very being. Keep your anguish…no more angst……no more. Nothing is forever….my tears tell me so….the pain that stabs at my soul tells me so…. I want to scream and never stop. I open my mouth but sound eludes me….I’m drowning in my bitter tears, I’m drowning in lonely.